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Only been married six months. We are both in our forties. I believed in him and his supposed "efforts" of bettering himself when we married, but, the rose-colored glasses are off now and I see that he has no ambition. However, he does most of the housework.
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on Friday, October 30th, 2009 at 7:11 pm and is filed under Answers.
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That’s sad that your value of him is based on how much money he does or doesn’t make. You both need to go to counseling.
Your marriage should be based on your love for each other, not the dollar amount you make. If you married for money, I feel sorry for the unhappy life that you will have because you are greedy and selfish.
Can you live with him just doing most of the housework? It does not sound like you can. If you don’t speak to him now about this, I can see you resenting him more & more until you finally kick him out. If you want the marriage to succeed, you need to speak to him – perhaps even seek the help of a marriage counselor. Good luck to you.
Congratulations – you’re a sexist. I would KILL to have somebody to do my housework.
Is he a good cook?
I can understand how you would feel. It’s a turn off when a women makes more money than her husband even if marriage is not suppose to be about money. Somewhere along the line it is though. It’s really up to you on the importance of it all, not us. Everyone has their own personal preferences. I don’t think you should feel guilty.
my new hubby is basically the same way. He does do all the housework, yardwork & cooking, so I cant complain much. If your happy in the rest of your marriage, thats a small price to pay!
That is normal. The rose colored glasses always come off a few months after marriage.
You can’t change him, you can only change how you feel. One thing you can do is be grateful you live in a time when women no longer have to be financially dependent on the man they marry. In the past a lot of nice decent men have gotten passed over because they didn’t earn the big bucks and even women who could afford to live comfortably on their own earnings felt obligated to marry a man who earned more. Consider yourself fortunate that you could marry for love, companionship, sex or having someone to do the housework. Men have always had the luxury of marrying for those reasons and now women can too.
Be happy he does the house work. That right there shows you that he is putting in a great effort to make up for what he lacks in income. Don’t focus so much on who’s the bread winner of the household – focus on why you got married and why you love each other. If he loves you for who you are, you should love him for who he is.
Welcome to a husbands world. See how fun it is???? BTW, does he whine about life on a daily basis. If so you have officially joined the ranks of the husbands club!
I’m assuming you knew all of this before you married him – and you married him anyways…accept it, communicate about it, work on it…that’s what marriage is about.
Try looking at it from another point of view. Instead of feeling resentment, putting him down, and giving up on him, try encouraging him, motivate him, remind him of all the dreams he has yet to acheive and be by his side to support him.
You’re not going to get a fat person to eat healthily by constantly reminding them of how fat they are, they need to be shown by the example of their nearest and dearest, they need to be encouraged and motivated.
We all have big dreams, and sometimes forget what they are when we entered into the marriage. However, by doing the housework, he is contributing. We all have different skill levels but a company CEO is no better than a supermarket cleaner, they both give their jobs a 100%.
The same applies in a relationship, you both have to give it a 100%, and your 100% is no greater than his 100%, it’s still one hundred percent no matter how you look at it, regardless of the dollar amount.
In uncertain economic times as these, you may lose your job tomorrow, what does work and money have to do with it? you marry someone because you love them, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others. Try becoming one with each other and you will achieve a whole lot more.
Is he not worth more than the money he makes? Measure the good with the bad, if the good outshines the bad, then keep him. Good men are not easy to find. I make more money than my hubby but his health is not up to par and I know he is doing all he can to contribute. He also cooks and and helps with housework, does the yard work, and is an affectionate compassionate person who treats me with respect and is dependable as a husband and best friend. So should I go out and get a man that makes more money? No way!
Your marriage should not be based on money! I make more money than my husband but I would be lost without him….there are things that are alot more important than money. Now if he’s being a lazy slacker that’s a totally different thing — I would tell him to get off of his @#$ and get busy making us some money!
Good luck!
he doing the jobs around the house .. and you want more .. how can a man work in the house and find work at the same time.. … well just make it easy on him tell him to leave the house work .. and get a job.. .. ok
I am a little confused. Did you marry him in the hopes that he would change jobs and make more money – or were you content with the person he was? Money is not the only measurement of success. If you are truly happy in the relationship, then it would not matter how much money he was earning. On a completely different note, he needs to bring a ‘work ethic’ to the relationship. You both should agree household duties and responsibilities. In this day and age, it should not be about who makes more money – but how it is spent and/or saved.
How long did you know your husband before marriage?
This is about more than you making more money than he does. I make two and a half times what my husband does, and I also do about 60% of the housework, and I don’t resent him one bit. He’s kind, loving, supportive, generous, intelligent and I’m happy when I’m around him. Our relationship works because we both believe we’ve gotten the best end of the deal. Resenting your husband for being who he is (and was during your courtship) has really deep implications. Is this about feeling cared for? Is it about power? Is it about other people’s perceptions? Is about wanting to get married rather than about being married? Figure out what’s at the bottom of it, and work on that. I’ll bet you dollars to donuts, it’s not money.
Even though he doesn’t make as much as you, it sounds to me like he is trying to help out in his own way. It sounds to me like he loves you! http://www.rejoicemarriageministries.org